“Why am I single?”

Published in Vibrant Hutt magazine - June/July 2017

"I went to see Hayley about a topic close to my heart, I wanted to know all about my love life - or lack thereof. As a 34 year who hasn’t been in a ‘real’ committed relationship for over 10 years I have felt perpetually single, especially when all my social invitations are for other people’s engagements, housewarmings, baby showers, weddings and remarkably, second marriages!

When will it happen for me? Why doesn’t my life look how I thought it would look at 34? Am I blocking love from my life? These were some of the questions I had in my mind when I walked into Hayley’s Healing Room. Also Hayley was helping a scummy student out - I was embarking on a podcast project for broadcasting school and had chosen a particularly introspective topic; I wanted to figure out, why the heck I am single? So this reading was brave and made me feel vulnerable but also I considered it research! So I went in with an open heart and curious mind.

The room was warm and inviting and full of natural light. Hayley lit a candle and after a quick shuffle of the cards, she sat them on the arm of her chair and we were straight into it. Unlike experiences I’ve had in the past, Hayley gave me insight rather than asking me a bunch of questions. It was refreshing to be really focused on exactly what I wanted to know - what was (or was not) happening with me and that thing I just couldn’t get my fingers to grasp - love.

From minute go, she nailed that I’d had at least one long term relationship but uncannily she also picked up the reasons why that relationship didn’t work - towards the end it was more like brother/sister relationship - it petered out. Hayley accurately described the life I lead now; surrounded by friends, my focus on school, that I like to write and the wealth of things I’ve done in this life; I’ve started again, a lot. We talked about parent role-modelling, about the expectations we put on partners and how a shift needs to happen within me before I could be in a relationship.

I asked whether something I had done in a past life was blocking me from receiving love in this life; It would be just like me to have had done some crappy karmic thing in the past that was biting me in the backside now! Hayley said no, it seemed she wasn’t picking up I’d committed a dastardly deed in the past and my lack of love life was the price I was paying. She surprised me by suggesting the barriers or blocks were ones I was putting up myself, in THIS lifetime.

She mentioned I have a lot of male mates, and perhaps I have guys in my life that think I’m pretty cool but I have a tendency to protect myself, to be stand-offish and ‘friend-zone’ them. It was eye-opening to hear that perhaps I’m unsure now about how to “do” loving someone. She couldn’t have been more correct. It’s more comfortable for me to explore friendships and know where the boundaries are than to risk a relationship taking a romantic turn. Instead, I’ve kept men at arm’s length, always knowing where the line is and never treading it or inching over it.  

We talked about the Law of Attraction, self-worth, trust, believing in myself and Hayley gave me the best and simplest bit of practical advice I could have heard in that moment - “go and have fun” and “let down your guard”. She told me to experiment and be open to having love in my life. Hayley also talked to me about journalling and embarking on a project of sorts to figure out what a relationship, a real relationship would look and feel like to me.

Hayley gave me kind, humbling and touching truths which, when heard from a stranger were even more heartening. She said there were masses of potential out there for me regarding partners. She used the word, ‘amazing’. And said I had so much to offer someone special. I mean, how often do you get to hear that of a day?! She hit on something particularly important for me - that I have a tendency to not judge and be accepting of others and for me, it was so important to hear I am not single because I’m picky!

Hayley offered me some insight into when I might meet that special someone, what their personality and characteristics would be like, even down to what hobbies he might be into! She even said perhaps the next person I am going to be with is someone who is already known to me! It was a real treat hearing those things and being able to visualise ‘him’ in my mind’s eye.

At the session’s end I remarked on how incredible it was Hayley didn’t refer to the cards she’d asked me to shuffle at the beginning at all. She explained the cards act as a kind of device to open the ‘channel’ between herself and spirit. She said she barely refers to them and in fact, as soon as I walk out the door she may not remember a single word we spoke about! However, she picked up the very top card of the deck I’d shuffled, read it and laughed, it was: ‘The Lovers - make choices from your heart. Deeply emotional commitments. The power of love’.

How crazy is that? But quite honestly, it reiterated what I learned from our session - there is hope for me yet and love is on it’s way!

If you are at a similar stage in your life, perhaps you’re feeling negatively, empty, sad or hopeless about love and relationships, Hayley may be able to help. And if you’re interested in having a bit of a giggle feel free to check out the four-part podcast I made about my journey, ‘Why Am I Single?’ (https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id1225152919)

It’s been almost a month since I’ve seen Hayley and for the first time in a long time I’m seeing that love is everywhere, you just need to look up to see it. And just yesterday, I met someone new, exciting, fun and handsome!

Thank you Hayley for your time, energy, clarity and for igniting a spark in me to get excited about love again!" P.B.

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