Destiny or free will? Why healing softens the hard moments

A few years ago we were away on holiday, and I started having dreams about a car crash. That's unusual for me, because I don't normally remember my dreams. But these were clear and insistent. A car accident. Again and again.

On our way home, we were sitting at traffic lights when a car backed out of a driveway and scraped the back of ours. Very minimal damage. A scrape.

I couldn't shake the feeling that this accident was always going to happen. The dreams had told me so.

But there wasn't a big shake-up needed in my life at that point. I didn't need a wake-up call. So the accident didn't need to be big.

Same event, different experience

It makes me wonder how many moments in our lives follow this pattern. The event itself is locked in. The intensity, the drama, the fallout? That's variable. It depends on where we are, what we've cleared, how much inner work we've done.

The clearer we are, the gentler the delivery.

• The relationship that's meant to teach you about boundaries can arrive as a gentle teacher or a wrecking ball.
• The career shift that's meant to redirect you can come as an exciting opportunity or a devastating redundancy.
• The move you're meant to make can appear as a dream find or be forced on you after a loss.

The lesson is the same. The delivery changes depending on how much awareness you're carrying, and how willing you are to listen to the quieter nudges before the louder ones arrive.

This isn't positive thinking

It's not about manifesting your way out of hard things. It's about doing the actual work. Releasing old trauma. Untangling conditioning. Clearing the patterns that keep you stuck in reactive loops.

That might be deep energetic clearing (this is what I do with clients), tapping through stuck emotions, or journalling with the aim of releasing, not just understanding.

The method matters less than the intention. Are you trying to clear it, or just manage it?

The more you do that work, the less drama is needed to get your attention. Life doesn't need to shout when you're already listening.

What's predetermined, and what's not

I think the big moments are locked in. The people you're meant to meet. The career that keeps calling even when you try to ignore it. The relationship that mirrors back exactly what you need to see. Not as punishment or reward. Just as part of what your soul signed up for.

But the way you move through those moments? That's yours. The awareness you bring. Whether you dig in and resist, or soften and allow. Whether you blame or reflect. Whether you collapse or grow.

That's free will. And the more work you do on yourself, the more it expands. You're not just reacting any more. You're choosing.

Questions to sit with

• Think about the last big turning point in your life. Were there quieter versions of that moment before it happened?
• What smaller nudges did you ignore?
• What career or path did you resist before finally surrendering to it? How long did you fight it?
• Were there smaller losses, trying to teach you the same thing more gently?

A more peaceful life

I don't try to avoid the big moments any more. I do the work that lets me meet them differently. I clear what I can clear. I listen to the whispers so the shouts aren't necessary.

Life feels more peaceful this way. Not because the hard things don't come. They do. But they can arrive as invitations. As gentle course corrections. As scrapes, not crashes.

So maybe the question isn't "how do I avoid the hard things?" Maybe it's "how do I clear enough that when the hard things come, they don't need to flatten me to teach me?"

See how healing sessions work.